Confidence – The Path To Inner Self

Author: mathew_mentora_india

I have come across many individuals in my trainings who claim that they are left behind in life because they lack self confidence, they have an inherent fear within them.
Why are we not self confident? Why do we fear?Who is the real self confident individual ?? How can we become self confident in life ??
Let me start with the basics. Self confidence is a heavy mask that many people carry as part of their personality, and this personality is just superficial. This personality is gifted by the society. In reality if this personality is broken and the real self is exposed, the individuals self confidence will disappear. A man of real self confidence never wears this “self confidence mask”. He has it. Nobody can break it or make it disappear. He does not carry that mask. Anything you carry indicates that you don’t have it.
A person who wears the mask of self confidence is trembling from within. They are afraid of the mask being broken or being lost. So they pretend to be courageous, to be knowledgeable, but deep within there is ignorance, complete ignorance. Deep down they are aware of their limited knowledge, but they are always ready with all possible answers to every possible question.
Your self confidence should be a part of your individuality. Your self confidence should be like your shadow. You don’t have to carry it, it will follow you. You don’t have to bother every time to check if your shadow is following you. It naturally does. It is always available.Self confidence should become a part of your inner self and that can happen only when you know YOURSELF.
So the very basic lesson here is : Every fear can be conquered and self confidence can be injected into us only when we have completely known OURSELF.
Self confidence means having faith in yourself. The faith to handle all adversities that life throws upon us. Infact every child is born with a freedom, the freedom from “doubt in yourself”, the freedom to attempt, the freedom to take risks. But typical teaching patterns (social and educational) and also our upbringing format has slowly killed your basic freedom of trusting yourself, attempting new things in life, taking calculated risks in life. Each failure that we encounter, reduces this self trust and slowly you try to focus and depend on external agents to take care of different situations that arrive in our lives. This external dependence for years together has made you ignore the biggest strength that is nowhere around, but is within you.
Some Tips to grow your individuality :

Know yourself:
Whenever you’re trying to build self confidence, keep the fact in mind that your worst enemy is yourself. The best way to defeat an enemy is to know all there is to know about him. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses. Keep track of your accomplishments, large and small. Pay attention to what types of situations make you judge yourself hastly & harshly.

LOVE Yourself:
Tell yourself every moment that your are full of Love. Create the felling of love in totality. Create it in your inner self as well as the exterior.Let your eyes report to your heart that your are beautiful / handsome. Look at the change that happens within you when you start practicing this. Dress sharply, sit straight and walk tall. Look at people in the eye. Convince yourself that you have unlimited faith in yourself even when you’re face a worst adversity.

Maintain Fitness :
Maintaining your general health is important for developing a confident individuality. Good health plays a big part in your general well being, and that feeling well makes you feel confident and positive in life. Exercising regularly to maintain fitness and keeping excesses in check helps to boost self confidence. Keeping in good shape and feeling well leads to a good appearance and a good feeling about yourself.

Have a positive attitude :
“My attitude every day will determine my success in the future. Today, I will walk, talk, act and believe like the person I wish to become.”I used these words to help me overcome those past challenges, move on and find the next phase of my life. It’s helped me live in a state of life abundance rather than one of frustration and fear.

Praise Yourself:
When you decide to improve on your individuality, your tendency to be self-critical has to end. Look for what you do right each and every day. Don’t miss an opportunity to lavish yourself with praise, even if all you can say at the end of the day is that you’ve been trying awfully hard.

Learn things you longed to learn:
Take up a untouched passion of your life. Learn to play the drums or a guitar, learn plantations or anything. Being able to accomplish a new skill will give your individuality a new lively presence and a quick boost.

Help Others:
Giving existence something in return can be the best way of expressing your gratitude.
Nothing gives more inner peace ,like when extending a hand to someone in need. Infact by thinking of the needs of others, you will stop dwelling on your flaws itself. This is an easy thing to accomplish: Infact just being a willing ear for someone that is lonely or stressed can work magic.

Stand up, Speak up:
Take every opportunity to Stand up and express your views. Be that at home, at work or at a social platform. Every expression adds to strengthen yourindividuality and the confidence you develop in yourself by practicing this cannot be shattered or even shaken by any external source.When holding conversations with people make eye contact with them. You do not need to stare at them because this might make them uneasy.
Working on your inner self, changing your individuality is the first step to increased confidence and dissolving fear in life.

In my next article, i shall focus on mastering the art of SELF CONFIDENCE and breaking the concept of FEAR in our professional lives particularly.
For more articles on self improvement, follow me at www.mentora.in

Mathew Thomas is a passionate Trainer, Motivational Speaker and Educational Coach who has worked with a wide range of clients including multinational organisations, education bodies, professional training providers and individuals.

How To Find True Happiness?

Author: mathew_mentora_india

Ask any one a question, what is it that we want in life?? what is it that we all are struggling and seeking??
If we go deep into this question, we will find a common theme behind all our desires – The wanting to feel better.
This inner feeling may take various alternate names from our dictionary – like joy, happiness, Ecstasy, inner peace, satisfaction, fulfillment, bliss, contentment, ease, well-being etc. Whatever the word be, the basic underlying craving of the mind is the same. We are looking to avoid misery, avoid pain or suffering and we all wish to transcend to a more enjoyable state of conciousness. The basic quest within each one of us is the quest for Happiness.
This is completely natural, and is as true for every other sentient being on earth as it is for us. It is the natural way of existence to monitor how it is doing in life. If there is an imbalance then a quest for balance arises. If we need food, for instance — we feel hungry, and hunger is usually an uncomfortable experience. We don’t feel good and so, quite naturally, we look for something that will relieve our suffering, in this case food. Having eaten we feel better; our lives are in balance again.
This is one thing common to all of us. We all want to reduce our suffering and find a more comfortable, satisfying state of mind.
Human beings are gifted with a very basic choice. To be tremendously happy or be tremendously unhappy. But this freedom is very dangerous, because with this choice you become responsible.
Happiness happens when you tune yourself with Life, you fine tune life so harmoniously that everything you do from this point is Joy.
We have been distracted into unnatural preoccupations: money, prestige, power. Listening to the birds is not going to give you money. Watching a butterfly is not going to help you economically, politically, socially. These things are not profitable – but these things make you happy. A real human being takes the courage to move with things that make him happy. He seeks happiness NOW and HERE.
Being a slave of his past or clinging to hopes of a better tomorrow only can make man more miserable, coz he is neither available in the past nor can wefind him in the future. He simply destroys the very oppurtunity to expreience the best gift that life gives him – THE PRESENT.
Since ancient times, spiritual masters of all traditions have pointed to the Now as the key to the spiritual dimension. Despite this, it seems to have remained a secret. It is certainly not taught in churches and temples. If you go to a church, you may hear readings from the Gospels such as “Take no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself”. The depth and radical nature of these teachings are not recognized by us today. No one seems to realize that they are meant to live every moment that is in the present.
The secret of happiness is nothing but living in the present. Physically we live in the present moment. Our hearts beat steadily without any effort on our part. Our bodies function to keep us alive from moment to moment. However, our minds aren’t always in synch with the here and now. They tend to wander off into the future or back to the past, forfeiting the experience of the present. The present is the only time we have to enjoy. It’s the only place happiness exists. We have no control over time. We can’t speed it up or slow it down. We can only live it fully now. Right now is the time to be happy.
We can practice happiness by focusing on the present. By being aware in everthing we do. Focusing on the present moment requires awareness and concentration while releasing distracting thoughts. It requires us to make a deliberate effort to focus our minds on what we are doing or experiencing. The results are magical. For example, observe yourself doing something rather than just going through the motions. Taste your food and sip your drink rather than rushing through eating or drinking. Concentrate your attention on your breathing, your walking, or your heartbeat. Focusing on the present helps us to release stress, refresh, and enjoy the present.
You walk, now you walk with awareness, you hate someone, now you hate with awareness, you love, now you love with awareness. In awareness you will see the hatred shrinking but love and compassion growing within you.
The is the first step to happiness in everybody’s life.
Mathew Thomas is a passionate Trainer, Motivational Speaker and Educational Coach who has worked with a wide range of clients including multinational organisations, education bodies, professional training providers and individuals.
For more articles on self improvement, follow me at www.mentora.in

Find Your Sharks

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the water close to Japan has not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring the fish. If the return trip took more time, the fish were not fresh. To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish. And they did not like the taste of frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So, fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, they were tired, dull, and lost their fresh-fish taste. The fishing industry faced an impending crisis! But today, they get fresh-tasting fish to Japan. How did they manage? To keep the fish tasting fresh, the Japanese fishing companies still put the fish in the tanks but with a small shark. The fish are challenged and hence are constantly on the move. The challenge they face keeps them alive and fresh! Have you realized that some of us are also living in a pond but most of the time tired and dull? Basically in our lives, sharks are new challenges to keep us active. If you are steadily conquering challenges, you are happy. Your challenges keep you energized. Don't create success and revel in it in a state of inertia. You have the resources, skills and abilities to make a difference. Put a shark in your tank and see how far you can really go..!

Generosity

An ancient Sufi story: The king of Bhagdad used to go around the city on his beautiful horse, just to see how things were going -- of course in disguise, not as the king -- so that he could see reality as it is. If he went as the king, then he could see everything that was beautiful and he would not be shown the real face -- he would have to see only the mask.Everyday he saw a man, a very old man, must be past one hundred years, working in the garden, putting in small plants, but those small plants were not seasonal flowers. If they were seasonal flowers there would be no question at all. Those were the plants of the cedars of Lebanon, which grow one hundred feet, two hundred feet high, just almost touching the stars and they take hundreds of years to grow to that height. They live one thousand years, two thousand years, three thousand years and they are some of the most beautiful trees.The king was puzzled because this old man, who is one hundred years, cannot even hope to see the next spring. His hands are shaking; he is so fragile, any moment death may take him away. And why is he planting these cedars? He will never be able to see them grow, to see them come of age, to see their beauty when they start touching the stars.Finally it was impossible for the king to resist the temptation. He stopped his horse one day and went to the old man and said, "I should not interfere in your work, but I cannot resist the temptation."The old man said, "There is nothing to worry about, my son. You can ask anything you want."The king said, "My question is, you will never be able to see these trees come of age; you will be gone long before that..."The old man said, "That's true."The king said, "You know that's true and still you go on doing it?"The old man said, "If my forefathers had not planted the seeds -- just see on the other side of my garden those tall Lebanon cedars -- I would have never seen them. If my forefathers were so generous about the children with whom they are not yet acquainted, who will be coming, who will be the visitor, who will be the guest.... Still they worked hard and they created those monumental trees. Looking at those trees I gather courage and work hard, because certainly I will not be able to see the beautiful growth but somebody will. My children's children, or perhaps even their children, will be able to see when they come to their full glory. It is enough that I am not betraying my forefathers. If they could trust in the future, in the unknown guest, I can also trust."